In Dreams
by Megan13
Summary: Sirius dreams reflect what he truly wants in life... SN
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Come on people, we all know the characters aren't mine.**

**AN: So I've decided to take down Dreamland and replace it with a chaptered fic. Ok, maybe it's more of a collection of one-shots in chronological order that happen to have a common theme and a prologue... Whatever. Oh yeah, and I will be updating There and Black Again sometime soon. I hate to admit it, but I kinda lost the plot and don't really like what I've written anymore. I know, I know, AGAIN? AH!**

**AAN: Sorry, I liked this version better. Hehe...**

**Enjoy and REVIEW like crazy 'cause I need to encouragement!**

* * *

They began my first year.

The dreams, that is. They began my first year.

I don't really remember the first one too well. There may have been an incident involving our family's old owl running into the stained-glass window while Narcissa and I fought to the death using blueberries as ammunition. Madam Pince may also have appeared at some point, but the details are foggy and I hadn't started using my pensieve to track the dreams yet.

The same goes for the dreams I had over the next few years.

It was in my fifth year that I finally realized what the dreams were and meant. I'd woken up to dirtied sheets and my hair plastered to my forehead and I sat up so fast it made my head spin. I'd had another dream about Narcissa. Another dream that seemed so life-like it made me lean over the side of the bed for fear I was going to be sick.

The first thing I did after my stomach had settled was set to work on creating my first and only pensieve.

This is what I'm sharing with you now.

The dreams of Sirius Black.

How quaint.


	2. 1

**AN: Like it or else...**

* * *

"What are you doing here?" I asked and stood aside to allow Narcissa entrance into the Gryffindor common room. This is itself was not an odd occurrence. She usually showed up at least once a week for help with her homework or nice swig of fire-whiskey with her favorite Gryffindors. What made this visit odd was the fact that she had a date with Head Boy Lucius Malfoy and instead of snogging his brains out she was standing in the middle of the Gryffindor common room with an illy concealed bottle of vodka under her arm. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Yes, well, I've broken it off with Lucius and feel the need to get completely pissed." She held out the bottle for me to take. "I thought James and Remus might want to join us so I brought two."

She produced another bottle of vodka.

"Always prepared." I raised my eyebrows and started up the stairs to the fifth-year dormitories. "So what happened?"

"He told me we weren't right for each other," Narcissa said.

"I thought you said you broke it off with him," I said and opened the door to my room.

She slid in past me and slumped onto the bed. "It doesn't matter anyway." She unscrewed the bottle top and took a quick swig. "We're not together and that's what matters."

"But why?" I sat down next to her. "I thought he was crazy about you. At least, it seemed that way when he would his tongue shoved down your throat at any given moment."

"He said it was to protect me." She scrunched her nose and glared at the floor. "I'm a big girl. I don't need his protection."

"Did he tell you what he was protecting you from?"

She sighed. "He didn't. But I know what it is."

"And?"

"Take a bloody guess Sirius." Narcissa took another sip and grimaced. "I don't want to have to say it aloud."

I frowned. "Well, I can't tell you I didn't see it coming."

She gave that bitter little chuckle that I need so well and clanked her bottle of vodka against mine. "He said that I'll never have to worry about being put in danger. That he loves me and will look out for me even when I'm married and have children. He said that he'll never let anything happen to me."

"Well that's reassurance for ya," I said sarcastically and both of us took long pulls of vodka. Once I was done I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and asked if she'd be all right.

"Oh yeah," she said sarcastically. "I'll just pop right up again and ignore the fact that the boy I've been with for over a year has just dumped me in pursuit of raping and pillaging. Great."

"I hate to be the one who defends Lucius Malfoy," I shuddered at the name, "but I don't think he's just doing this for the raping and pillaging benefits. He really does believe in Pureblood superiority."

Narcissa raised an eyebrow.

"I still hate the git," I said hastily.

"Good." She took a quick sip. "Because I need you on my side with this one. All the girls in Slytherin will find it all very romantic that he's giving me up to protect me. He'll have more fuck-buddies by the end of the week trying to change him than you've had all year long."

"I'm still too young for fuck-buddies," I told her and took a long, satisfying pull on the vodka. "And unless you're volunteering I don't think any other girl wants to get in my bed quite yet."

"Are you stupid?" Narcissa scoffed. "Every girl wants to bed the great Sirius Black. Do you know how many jealous girls ask if you walk around the house naked on Holidays?"

"They do not," I said uncertainly. "Do they?"

"You're the most sought after boy in Hogwarts." She paused. "Well you were until Lucius dumped me."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?"

"Why didn't you ever realize it on your own?"

"Because he's been in love with one girl since his first year and doesn't realize there's anyone else out there," James said as he entered the room. Narcissa offered him her bottle of vodka and he took a swig. He grimaced and handed the bottle back to her. "Egh."

"He's in love with someone?" Narcissa asked. "Who?"

"He won't tell anyone," James said and sat down on Narcissa's other side. "I don't even think he's realized it."

"Then how have you?" Narcissa asked.

"Because I know him," James said and shrugged. "I even know who it is."

"Care to enlighten us?" I asked, leaning forward to see past Narcissa. "Because I'm very interested in knowing who I've been in love with all these years and had no idea."

"I can't tell you in front of the girl," James said and grabbed the bottle out of my hand. "She may get jealous."

Narcissa rolled her eyes. "As long as it's no one in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw or Slytherin I'll be happy. Come to think of it, not even a Gryffindor is good enough."

"So I'm to stay single for the rest of my life?" I asked.

"Yes, I think so."

"What are you grinning about?" I poked James in the back of the head.

"I'm just enjoying the conversation," James said. "You two are quite fun to sit back and watch."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Prongs."

Narcissa stood up and wandered to the doorway. "Is Lily around or have you run her off James?"

He shrugged. "She was in the common room a few minutes ago. I tried asking her to Hogsmeade again and she caught a sudden case of deafness. I'll go get her for if you'd like."

Narcissa nodded and flicked James as she passed him on the way back to the bed. He made a face at her as he left, causing her to giggle. She took another sip of vodka before laying back and placing the bottle on the night stand.

"So who're you in love with?" Narcissa asked as she laced her fingers together and placed her hands behind her head. "Anyone I know?"

"I have no idea what he's talking about," I said and laid back next to her. "I think I would know if I'm in love with someone." I sighed. "Are you in love with Malfoy?"

She shrugged. "It doesn't really matter anymore."

"Sure it does."

"I'll miss him. And I'll miss having him there for me," she said softly. "I'll miss how he looks at me. And I'll miss the way I felt whenever he'd wrap his arms around me and say 'Gods, you're breathtaking.'"

I smiled softly and leant over until my mouth was just above her ear and repeated those words, "Gods, you're breathtaking."

She smiled and turned her head so that our faces were only inches apart. "Thanks Sirius."

I brushed a lock of hair from her forehead and her smile grew. She licked her lips and suddenly I wanted to kiss them, lick them, nibble them. I hesitated only a second before closing the distance between us and pressing my lips to hers. She didn't pull back like I'd thought, but brought her hand to my neck and massaged it softly. I took this as an invitation to deepen the kiss and licked her bottom lip. She moaned softly and parted her lips.

The kiss ended a few moments later.

Narcissa pulled back and gave a tiny sigh. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it as James and Lily entered the room. They stopped when they saw us lying on the bed. James raised his eyebrows and Lily smirked.

"I need to get going," Narcissa said softly and sat up. She gestured to the bottle of vodka before standing and saying, "Keep it. I'll see you later James, Sirius." She caught Lily's arm on her way out of the room, saying, "Come on Lily. I need your help with something."

James clicked his tongue and rocked back on his heels for a second before taking a seat on the corner of the bed. He cocked his head and asked me, "You figure it out yet?"

I nodded.

"Are you going to do anything about it?"

I shrugged.

It's hard finding out your in love. It's even harder finding out you're in love with your best friend.

* * *

**Please Review.**


	3. 2

**AN: So everyone realizes by now that these dreams are how Sirius wishes his life had really gone. Of course, dreams do stem somewhat from the unconscience which is why I'm adding Lucius to every chapter. It may just be a sentence or he may make an actual cameo, but I wanted to let you guys know his part in the story. Lucius is like the one link to reality the dreams have. Weird, I know, but it's my pathetic attempt at trying to be... something. Oh, and thanks to those who reviewed!**

* * *

"Sirius," Narcissa said through her smile as she took my hand, "what on earth are you doing?"

"Your father asked me to stand in for him," I said out of the corner of my mouth. "I feel like a moron."

"Well you look great." She glanced down for a moment and then back up at the crowd. "But if you step on my dress I'll murder you."

"I have no doubt that you're being completely serious," I said and stepped down off the last step. I turned to Narcissa and bowed. She curtseyed in return and smiled as I took her hand and led her to the dance floor. "I'm sorry your father didn't show for this."

She shrugged and pressed herself against my body. "I think you make for a good substitute. Although I do feel a bit odd that everyone else is dancing with their fathers and I'm stuck with you."

"Yes, but we do make the most attractive pair out here," I said, wiggling my eyebrows. "I've never seen Malfoy look so jealous."

"He's here?"

"Oh yes," I said and twirled her ever so slightly so that she could see him over my shoulder. Narcissa raised an eyebrow and I asked, "Shall we give him something he'll really enjoy?"

She gave me a doubtful look but ran her hand up to the back of my neck and pulled my lips to hers anyway. When we pulled apart a few moments later Malfoy was stalking away from the dance floor. I smiled down at her and said, "Score one for Cissa."

"Score one for yourself later." She winked and twirled around once more.

"Woman, you have no idea what you do to me," I grumbled and kissed her again.

"I'm happy you're here with me instead of Daddy," Narcissa said after a moments silence. "It makes for a much more interesting coming out party when you can snog your partner."

I chuckled and twirled her around the dance floor until the song ended and the band struck up a faster beat. Then I led her off the dance floor and over to where our mothers were waiting for us. Aunt Druella looked up as we approached and smiled stiffly.

"I'm very sorry your father couldn't make it," Aunt Druella said to Narcissa. "Business and all that."

"It's fine Mother," Narcissa said as I squeezed her hand. "Sirius is doing a great job in his stead."

"Yes, I noticed how wonderful the two of you looked out on the dance floor." Again, she smiled stiffly. "I think you had the attention of the whole party."

My mother snorted into her cup of punch.

"Lucius Malfoy was asking about you earlier," Aunt Druella plowed on. "He wondered if you'd be here tonight."

Narcissa raised an eyebrow and glanced at me. "And you said..."

"I said yes, darling," she said, and laughed in her tinkling way. "And I told him you'd love to dance with him"

"Mother, I- Lucius, what a pleasure to see you again," Narcissa said, her eyes wide, as Lucius Malfoy waltzed over to the refreshment table. "How have you been?"

"All right," he replied and stepped up to her. "Would you care to dance Cissa?"

Narcissa turned her eyes on me for a split second before taking his proffered hand. She looked up at him and grinned as he led her to the dance floor. I watched him pull her close to him and turned my attentions back to our mothers.

"They look attractive together," my mother said, nodding in Narcissa and Lucius' direction. "Wouldn't you agree Sirius?"

I bit back a retort and nodded.

"They'd make a lovely couple," she went on. "A great match."

"Malfoy broke it off with her almost a year ago," I said through clenched teeth. "Her interest lies elsewhere now."

"Oh Sirius." Aunt Druella clicked her tongue. "You can't honestly believe that what the two of you have is any more than puppy love?"

"I believe that what she felt for Lucius Malfoy was puppy love," I said.

"It doesn't matter anyway," my mother said quickly. "Her marriage will be one of convenience and political gain. She knows her place in society."

"I'm the heir to the Black line," I said, sneering. "I think that would sufficiently meet those two requirements."

"So you want to marry my daughter?" Aunt Druella raised her eyebrows. "What would people say?"

"What could they say? That we're both Pureblood and can trace our ancestry back farther than any other magical family? That we're of the same social status and run in the same circles?" I shrugged. "Sounds like a perfect match to me."

Aunt Druella grinned and turned to my mother. I watched as she held out her hand, said "pay up," and smirked as my mother dropped a few coins into her open palm. She laughed at the confused expression on my face.

"Have I missed something?" I asked, looking from woman to the other.

"I told your mother it was more than just a little crush," Aunt Druella said. "She didn't believe me so we put a wager on it."

"So you're not trying to match Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy?" I asked uncertainly.

"Oh no, darling." My mother patted my shoulder in a sort of affectionate way. "Of course we're still trying to match the two of them. We're trying to match her with every eligible Pureblood. Ever since Andromeda left..." She shrugged casually.

"Narcissa's had to take her place," I finished for her. "I know, I know."

"I've talked to Abraxas, you know," Aunt Druella said and took a sip of wine. "He said he's talked to Lucius about marrying Narcissa, but he refuses to."

"He doesn't want her to get hurt," I told her. "In a literal sense."

"He doesn't want to get her involved," my mother corrected.

Aunt Druella nodded. "It's nice that she has choices though. I wish I could have had two men in love with me in my day."

"I don't think it's just two." Mother gestured to a huddle of three or four younger boys staring at Narcissa as Lucius twirled her around the dance floor. "Although I can't blame them. She's a very pretty girl."

"She's more than just pretty," I said as the song ended and Narcissa led Lucius from the dance floor. "She's gorgeous."

The smirk on Aunt Druella's face didn't get past me.

"Mr. Malfoy, you're still as excellent a dancer as I remember," Narcissa said with a chuckled as they strode up to us. "But I do think it's time to dance with my date once more."

She went to take a step towards me but Lucius beat her to it. He raised his eyebrow and looked down at me before saying, "I'd like to speak with him first. If that's all right with you, that is?"

I nodded and followed as Lucius led me past the dancers and out to the balcony. He went to the very edge before turning and leaning casually back onto the railing. I opened my mouth to speak, but he put up his hand to silence me.

"I'm not here to threaten or intimidate or any of the things that are probably running through your head right now," he said and sighed. "But I am here to tell you that I love Narcissa with all my heart and would do anything for her. I'm not above eliminating anyone who hurts her or treats her poorly."

"So you _are_ threatening me," I said, my jaw locking.

"Not threatening." He shook his head. "Informing."

I raised an eyebrow.

"The activities that I'm involved in are dangerous," Lucius said softly. "They're dangerous for me, for others, and for the people I love. When I got involved in these activities I made up my mind that I'd never be able to put my girlfriend or wife through that kind of fear and paranoia; not if I loved her. It's why I broke things off with Cissa last year."

"I know. She told me you wanted to protect her." I paused. "I respect that Malfoy. I respect that and agree with that completely."

"I'd protect her with my life Black." He hesitated a moment before pushing off the balcony.

I caught him by the arm just as he was striding back into the ballroom and said softly, "So would I."


End file.
